


Everyone But the Horses

by themadlurker



Category: Merlin (BBC)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Community: camelot_fleet, Dinner Theatre, Drinking, F/F, F/M, Gen, Horsing Around, M/M, Underage Flirting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-30
Updated: 2009-11-30
Packaged: 2017-10-08 05:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/73163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themadlurker/pseuds/themadlurker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Arthur and Lancelot fail to resolve their sexual tension; the Green Knight is particularly green; Morgana has a crush on Gwen; Merlin is unexpectedly perceptive; Mordred is a creepy little teenager; and they all work at Medieval Times.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everyone But the Horses

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [rosemaryandrue](http://rosemaryandrue.livejournal.com)'s prompt: "I'd love to see Arthur and Lancelot and some drunken antics (or Arthur/Lancelot and drunken antics, of course ~_^)" Thanks to [verbosewordsmith](http://verbosewordsmith.dreamwidth.org) for giving me the shoes.

"Are those two at it again?" Morgana asked as she flopped down gracefully next to Merlin. She was in a good mood tonight; it had been her turn to play the mysterious, evil black knight, which always put her in high spirits. The nights when she was slated to play the fair damsel she wasn't nearly such pleasant company.

"I don't know how they get away with it," Gawain said morosely, "just because they're the stars of the show or whatever."

Morgana shot a bewildered look at Merlin who just shrugged, and mouthed, "Green Knight," back at her.

The Green Knight wasn't so called among the performers because of his costume, which was actually a black and red stripe, but for the colour he turned while he was perched over the toilet bowl backstage. Gawain, his loyal and ever-patient boyfriend – a little too patient, Merlin thought sometimes – could usually be found hovering just behind him, rubbing his back soothingly through the worst of the convulsions. Tonight Gawain had pointedly not followed him into the bathroom, which probably meant the Green Knight had been draped over the wrong person again when Gawain showed up to collect him from his favourite bar.

"At least they aren't dragging the horses into it, this time," Merlin offered cheerfully. "Remember that time when they thought it would be a good idea to race after drinking all that tequila?"

It had been quite satisfying to see Arthur do a pratfall off his horse five seconds into the race – at least, as soon as he was sure that neither horse nor rider had suffered any lasting damage – and worth the time it had taken Merlin to calm the horses down afterwards.

On the other side of the room, Lancelot had Arthur pinned to the ground and was crowing, "Do you submit?"

"Never!" Arthur cried, trying to buck Lancelot off of him with forceful thrusts of his hips.

"They have no idea how that looks, do they?" Gwen asked from behind the group, getting a chorus of "Gwen!" in response, and numerous hands reaching out to grab her. Morgana won the tussle, pulling Gwen into her lap and burying her face in her hair.

"Arthur still thinks he's straight," came a voice right beside Merlin's ear, making him startle as Mordred slipped in beside him, leaning heavily against his side. Merlin tried not to flinch as Mordred threw a friendly arm around his shoulders. At least, Merlin had to tell himself it was a friendly gesture, just for the sake of his own sanity, even when the way Mordred trailed his fingers along Merlin's arm didn't _feel_ particularly friendly.

"I don't think it's that," Gwen said pensively. "He might think Lancelot is, though, since, well –"

"Because for two years after Arthur met him Lancelot was completely besotted with you?" Morgana filled in the gaps for her.

"I wouldn't say _besotted_ exactly," Gwen temporized.

"No, because you're too modest, but you won't deny it either, because you're too honest," Morgana insisted.

Gwen looked like she was trying to decide between being very flattered or very embarrassed. Knowing Gwen, Merlin was expecting the embarrassment to win out. Sure enough, Gwen muttered something about needing to do a safety check on the equipment and escaped, leaving Morgana to gaze after her with a disappointed, wistful expression. If Merlin were the interfering type, he could tell Morgana exactly what she was doing wrong, but he'd learned the hard way that playing Cupid for one's coworkers could have disastrous consequences.

Morgana had turned her attention back to Arthur and Lancelot, who were no longer wrestling so much as half-draped over one another and giving each other playful shoves.

"Do _you_ think Arthur thinks Lancelot is still hung up on Gwen, Merlin?" Morgana demanded. "You'd be the one he'd tell, surely."

Merlin shrugged. "Getting Arthur to talk about his feelings? It would probably be easier to get something out of the horses."

Mordred puffed out a silent gust of laughter, warm air across Merlin's neck that made him shiver unaccountably.

Arthur struggled up to his knees and took a few aborted steps toward the group before Lancelot tackled him around the waist, dragging him back down.

"It's amazing, isn't it?" Mordred hooked his chin over Merlin's shoulder – Merlin wasn't entirely sure when he'd inched over so far that he was now practically draped over Merlin from behind. "How two people can be so obviously interested in each other and completely fail to do anything about it."

Merlin ignored the question in favour of watching Morgana's boot go sailing across the room to knock into the two combatants. One of the by-standing knights called out, "Interference!" but the pair themselves barely seemed to notice.

"Oh, come on now, Morgana," Mordred said, poking his head around Merlin – his hair tickled Merlin's cheek – to address her, "don't spoil their fun just because you're a jealous little –"

Morgana spun around to glare at him. "Finish that sentence and I will _end you_, Mordred Pendergast."

Mordred retreated to safety behind Merlin's back, leaving Merlin to intercept Morgana's glare.

Just as Morgana huffed, "I don't know why you let him get away with this, Merlin," a yell broke in from across the room.

"I AM KING OF THE TIMES!" Arthur declared, leaping up to stand astride Lancelot's prone body, as the latter laughed breathlessly beneath him. "BOW DOWN BEFORE YOUR KING, O LOWLY KNIGHTS!"

Another shoe sailed out and hit him, this time from a different direction.

"TREACHERY!" Arthur cried out. "Lancelot!"

"Yes, my liege!" Lancelot exclaimed, grasping Arthur's outstretched hand to pull himself up at Arthur's side.

"We have a traitor in our midst! You must defend me!"

"I will die in your defense!" Lancelot vowed, selflessly throwing himself in the path of another shoe.

Mordred snorted in amusement against Merlin's neck as Lancelot sunk to his knees dramatically, miming an agonizing death scene. Morgana turned away altogether and rolled her eyes at Merlin.

"Thank god we're not really related," she said, an expression Merlin had heard often enough from both siblings.

Mordred, still snickering, added, "Yeah, that would have made the whole Sophia incident even _more_ embarrassing, wouldn't it?"

"Oh my god!" Morgana exclaimed, her hands over her face. "Are you people ever going to shut up about that?"

"What are we talking about?" Arthur asked, coming over to join them and supporting a "wounded" Lancelot beside him.

"Your sister, trying to steal all your romantic prospects," Mordred explained helpfully.

Merlin wondered if he was the only one to see Arthur's eyes dart over to Lancelot for an instant before his expression cleared.

"Oh, Sophia!" he crowed with delight. "The one you thought was hitting on you whenever she tried to talk to you about me!"

"For the last time!" Morgana shouted, "I didn't think she was coming on to me! I thought it was really _creepy_ the way she hung around all the time!"

"Is that why you took her to that fancy restaurant?" Mordred mused aloud. "You know, the one you take all your first dates to?"

"Aaah!" Morgana screamed. "I am going to go find Gwen, who is the only reasonable person working here, and then I am going to never speak to any of you ever, ever again!"

"That took a lot longer than usual," Mordred said reflectively as Morgana stormed out the door, nearly colliding with the Green Knight's staggering exit from the toilets.

Merlin bit his tongue about all the reaons why Morgana might be hesitant to run off to Gwen these days. He didn't need to gossip about his friends, really.

Besides, there were more interesting things going on in the way that Lancelot was watching Arthur, who was still distracted by Morgana's dramatic exit. There was a soft look on Lancelot's face and when he glanced down and noticed Merlin's gaze, he just smiled, not embarrassed to be caught at it. This was why he wasn't going to interfere, Merlin reminded himself, no matter how hard it was to watch his friends miss each other's glances, because Lancelot at least had figured out what he wanted, and if there was one thing about the man that Merlin knew for certain, it was that he was not easily turned aside from his missions. Arthur would figure that out, sooner or later.

Morgana would figure things out, too, or Gwen would give in and ask for what she wanted. Whatever happened there wouldn't be in front of an audience.

"I am constantly grateful that she is not my sister by blood," Arthur said, unconsciously echoing Morgana's words from earlier, before turning his attention back to the others. "Come on, Merlin, you're not just going to sit there all night, are you? PUB NIGHT, EVERYONE!" he announced to the room at large, then added, for Merlin's benefit, "unless you'd rather spend your evening with the horses. I promise not to be offended, I understand where your true affections lie."

"Oh, fuck off," Merlin said, but he struggled to his feet, a maneuver made more difficult by Mordred's refusal to relinquish his hold on him. "I don't know where you think you're going," he grumbled, as Mordred clung to him all the way out the door and into the cool night air. "You won't be doing any drinking on my watch."

"But my driver's license says I'm twenty-one," Mordred insisted. Merlin didn't need to see his expression to know he wasn't even bothering to try looking innocent.

"Twenty-one months, maybe," Merlin rebutted, "you're clearly an infant. Anyone who doesn't see that shouldn't be allowed to serve alcohol."

Merlin watched Gawain's hunched back as he shuffled along behind Arthur and Lancelot. From back at the building, Merlin could hear the Green Knight shouting indistinctly after them.

Arthur's laugh rang out clear and loud into the night. "Just admit I bested you, Lance! I am the greatest knight in all the land."

Lancelot turned back to wink at Merlin, before saying, "Or maybe I let you win, my lord. Can you really be sure?" That almost began another wrestling match in the middle of the parking lot.

Soon, Merlin hoped. They had to figure it out soon, because he was going to go crazy if he had to watch them dancing around each other much longer.

"Oh, but Merlin," Mordred whispered against his ear, breath warm in the autumn night, "can you really be sure?"


End file.
